You have a real grip on the universe you've created. I immediately get the sense of three-dimensional characters and history. What the beginning needs, though, is one more interesting bit in the first few paragraphs; a quirk of one of the characters or another exchange of words that makes us care just that much more.
I like the feel that these two characters have been around awhile. They're tired, but dedicated; they bring energy to the situation. I want to learn more about them and what they're going through. Fix the grammar and add one more sparkly sentence and you've got a great hook.
Plot: 7/10
Writing: 6/10
Total: 13/20
Every writer should invest in a good manual of the English language and spend ten minutes a day refreshing his memory. Go ahead and get Strunk and White, the classic manual, but if you really want to learn grammar, find something written for homeschoolers at the middle school level. It will include much more clear explanations as well as practice sentences and an answer key. If you are unwilling to invest the time, consider hiring someone to catch your mistakes. When it comes to finding an agent or publisher for your work, you won't be taken seriously until you clean up your writing.
I like the flow of the conversation on this page, and the characters' descriptions are brief, but adequate. I do think a small adjustment needs to be made in Josephson's speech about the potential buyer, however. I had to read that paragraph several times to figure it out, and I'm still unsure if the colonists are trading knowledge for raw materials or what.
First, let's take a look at your third and fourth paragraphs. They contain several errors, but a little work renders them much more readable. Here's my rewrite:
He folded his hands in front of him and looked at each of the other council members in turn. His eyes finally came to rest on the Cardinal of Trade - Henry Josephson - a young, moderately tall man with handsome features and a pleasant voice. His easy-going disposition coupled with his nose for business made him the perfect man for the job.
'How are trade relations going?' Ryeson asked. (Notice that the plural "trade relations" demands the plural form "are". Also notice that I put the name "Ryeson" here. If you use "he" in this sentence, the reader doesn't know who is speaking, Ryeson or Josephson.) He liked to open meeting with a relatively harmless question. It put everyone at ease.
The changes in those two paragraphs are mostly grammatical, but the next two paragraphs need more substantial edits. It's all right to leave the reader a little unsure about the exact nature of the business these characters are discussing. After all, this is a brand new universe for us. I don't think you intended to be quite that ambiguous, though. Here is another possible version:
"I've found a good potential buyer. (or you could say, "I've found a potential buyer that meets our criteria," if you want to be a little more formal.) He seems genuinely interested in the pre-swarm information we can offer. He's a member of an organization (notice the z!) called the Fellowship of Independent Historians and he offered enough resources (what kind?) in exchange for our sample information alone to cover the colony's needs for the next year. If this deal goes through we'll be set for a lifetime." Josephson sighed. "Of course if the colonists had only thought to take a copy of the National Religious Library or even the National Museum's files, they could have traded it for enough supplies to last practically forever."
The rest of the changes I'd make on this page have to do with simple spelling and grammar - "interrupted" instead of "interupted", "definitely" instead of "definetely" - and the proper way to punctuate a line of conversation is like so:
"Most definitely," Josephson replied.
It's hard to see a strong piece of writing bogged down by these kinds of errors. You can't wait for an agent, editor or publisher to do this work for you - they simply won't these days. Take a brief time out to go over the basics, and then you can get back to the good part - writing interesting science fiction.
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