Don't Speak, Roman Rome
By Kristen Dabrio
Dropping In
Sometimes when you're in a difficult situation, you tend to bring your mind back to something calming. I liked to think of the feeling of a backpack hanging loosely over my shoulder. The drops of sweat pouring slowly down the back of my neck. I also liked to think of drinking water from a plastic cup.
Whenever I would pack my bags and head out the front door, my mom would throw a fit. She'd yell "Roman Rome loves to roam." I'd slam the back door and head out on my deck to smoke a cigarette. For some reason, at that moment, I'd always crack a smile. It was her fault for giving me that name. It was her fault I was so restless. I adjusted my backpack on my shoulder and snuffed out the cigarette. It was time to roam again.
Sometimes those memories are the only things that keep you sane. You know you were once happy and that it's possible to be there again. I guess that's what I was searching for. I wanted to find that spot where I could feel joy again...sometimes you outstay your welcome and you have to leave. It's the only way you can feel happiness again.
The previous night I had made the mistake of eating a piece of weed birthday cake. I was lying on my back, staring up at the ceiling. Panic attack. I had to go into the bathroom and splash my face with water. I grabbed onto Brit's arm and rested my hand on her shoulder. She pulled away. I was trying to tell her that I was going to die, but she thought I was trying to flirt with her. "You can't always get what you want, Roman," is what she said. That's what Brit said. I collapsed on the couch and tried to keep my breathing steady. Brittany Marc, possibly the cause of the majority of my unhappiness.
I had known her since high school...I think the only person I was ever in love with. I tried others, sure, but I liked the way Brit left me hanging. I wasn't that type of person who wanted someone who wanted me. I'm a firm believer in working hard for what I want. Four years of abuse is what I took from Brit. She'd kiss me one day and ignore me another day. When she drank, she told me she wanted me to come over the next day...after that I wouldn't hear from her for a couple weeks. I was at her disposal.
Feeling like trash isn't that bad. It's better than feeling nothing. It's better than sitting around and watching her with someone else. It's better than her ignoring my 21st birthday or forgetting to wish me a happy new year. I've heard the phrase that it's better to be something than nothing at all.
We stopped talking so many times only to end up together again. I always told her we were meant to be together, but I think she just wanted someone to kiss. When it started to change me, I knew it was time to get away. I had to take all that money I saved over the summer, get on an airplane, and go. I traveled with my best friend, Leo Blake.
I personally think that a best friend is someone you can trust. I didn't trust a lot of people. Leo had been my college roommate for three years and we rarely tired of each other. We were yin and yang, perfect traveling companions. We spent a lot of time road tripping, with no real destination in mind. There were no hotels booked, no roads marked down on the map...we just went where ever we wanted to go. We saved money by sleeping the car or camping out somewhere. "Just the open road, Rome," is what he said. That's what Leo Blake said.
I remembered things like a freshly paved road when I was lost out on the wilderness. My parachute was snagged on a tree branch and I swung uneasily over the ground. It wasn't too far up, but I decided to swing there for a while. Someone had to have seen the helicopter crash. Someone had to come and investigate. No one gets marooned on a deserted island anymore. This wasn't an island, it was a jungle.
I watched the blood drip from a cut on my arm and onto the jungle floor. There was a smell of smoke in the distance...probably the fallen helicopter. I wondered if anyone else was alive and then I wondered how quickly help would come. Nothing really works out the way you want.
Much more happened before this excursion, many would call it a stupid decision, but I don't see it that way. I took a lot of risks, but it's better than what my life would have been. I didn't want to constantly pine after Brittany Marc. I didn't want to sit around drunk or high, trying desperately to figure out the missing pieces of my life. When I was doing something stupid, when I was doing something fun...I forgot about everything else. I wasn't running away, I was just doing what made me happy, and I was doing what scared me. People weren't meant to live in front of a computer or a television set. Civilization was never a good idea.
Leo didn't come with me on this particular trip because it wasn't a trip at all. I decided to take a helicopter ride over a rainforest. It wasn't expensive and I had wanted to do it for a while. Leo was busy at the hotel...he was sleeping in after getting wasted the night before. I got up early, as fate would have it I didn't leave a note. I figured I'd be back before he started to worry. Just a quick, lame, tourist, helicopter ride and I'd be back.
I should have learned my lesson from Gilligan's Island. Next thing I knew the pilot was shoving a bright orange helmet on my head and strapping a parachute on my back. Two other people were with me, but I was the first to go. You never want to be the first, I've always preferred going second. I had no choice. There was no preparation.
True friends are hard to find. I know everyone says that a lot, but it's not a lie. I thought about that when I was swinging uneasily above the ground. I thought about that when I realized no one was going to show up. I thought about that when I wondered how long it would take Leo to come after me. That's when I met Daniel Lay. He emerged from the clearing like a superhero--make shift machete in hand. "I suppose you've come to rescue us," was the first thing he said. That's what Daniel Lay said. That's what he said right before he started swinging his machete at me.
I lifted my legs as high as I could off the ground. Daniel laughed and shoved the machete through his belt loop. "Scared yet?" is what Daniel asked. I told him about how my helicopter crashed somewhere close. I told him how three other people were missing. I told him I wasn't here to rescue him. I expected him to be disappointed, but a huge grin crept across his face.
Daniel Lay is in shape. He wears a torn flannel shirt. The sleeves are ripped off. There are smudges of dirt on his face in arms. He has amazing strength and he's pretty smart. These are the things I learn from being around him for ten minutes. Daniel Lay is very strange. He doesn't seem to like me at first. He seems to think I'm someone else. He still thinks I'm there to rescue him and he is very, very angry about it.
He easily climbs the tree I'm in. He holds himself up on a tree branch and removes the machete from his belt loop. He swings it over my head and I fall onto the ground...hard. That's the last thing I remember before I wake up alone and cold in the rainforest.
The back of my neck hurt and the sun was starting to set. I had been passed out for hours. Why would Daniel Lay cut me down and leave me to fend for myself? Isn't there strength in numbers? Where the hell was I? I sat up and removed a pack of cigarettes from my pants pocket. I had to clear my mind. I had to lower the stress levels a little bit. I chained smoked until I heard an interesting noise coming from deeper into the vegetation.
It sounded like metal scraping together. I stood up and removed the torn parachute pack from my back, letting it fall to the ground. I removed the orange helmet as well. The noise was foreign and it was starting to freak me out. I ran through the rainforest as fast as I could.
Three dead bodies were the first thing I saw, the pilot and the two passengers. I could smell smoke and I saw it climbing slowly into the trees. It burnt my eyes and nasal passages, blurred my vision, and scratched at my throat. I pulled up the handkerchief hanging around my neck and covered my mouth and nose.
Parts of the helicopter were on fire and spread throughout the small area. A couple of men were digging holes with their bare hands and dragging helicopter parts out of sight. A woman was searching through backpacks and discarding items over her shoulder. I ducked at a set of binoculars flew at my head. It was the strangest sight I had ever seen. No one even acknowledged my existence.
"Leave the bodies alone," I would shout. "Don't put the fire out, they'll never find us," I pleaded. Nothing. I watched in horror as the bodies were stuck in shallow graves and covered with dirt. "Their families will be looking for them," I said, in a lame attempt to stop them. I felt invisible, weak, and stupid. Everyone seemed to know what they were doing; everyone was part of a weird system I wasn't aware of. When everything was over...when the helicopter was hidden and the bodies buried, they finally surrounded me.
There was an eighteen year old girl, Michelle Gia. She was petite, but tough looking. She had a big gash across her cheek that was just starting to heal. She was staring at me with her arms crossed. "Who the fuck are you?" was what Michelle Gia said. That's what she said. The others were staring at me in a similar fashion.
Flashback. One night I got really drunk and decided to trash my friend's house. I thought he would never find out...and I use the term friend loosely. I fucking hated the rat bastard. I spit on his toothbrush, I broke some picture frames, and I hide some important household items. I laughed the entire time. I laughed till I cried. The next day, when everyone found out, I was greeted the same way. Everyone was staring at me with their arms crossed. It's a terrible, terrible feeling.
"So...who the fuck are you?"
I peered over my shoulder just to make sure she was talking to me.
"That...that was my helicopter and it crashed." I pulled another cigarette out of my pocket and tried to light it with my shaking hand. "This is really awkward," I said, holding the cigarette in my mouth. "I just really need a fucking cigarette. I just really want to know what the fuck is going on here." I took a drag and grinned as wide as I could. "Is this some sort of scientific experiment going on out here, like some real...I mean reallll secret shit." I couldn't help but laugh, even though I knew I shouldn't. I always had a really strange sense of humor.
Michelle was the first to crack a smile. Daniel Lay laughed next and then a man named Logan Tyler. These three I'd be stuck with. I'd be marooned here with Michelle, Daniel, and Logan. My name is Roman Rome.
"What's your name?" Daniel asked once I gave them all cigarettes.
"Roman Rome. People call me Rome."
"Rome Rome?" Daniel smirked. He seemed to be talking to himself. "Roman Rome likes to Roam."
"My mom used to say something like that."
I raised an eyebrow for dramatic effect.
No one said anything. That's when I remembered I was lost in the rainforest and these people didn't seem to have any intention of helping me. They put out the fires...the fire could have been spotted from a rescue chopper. They buried any sign that I had been there. I'm pretty sure Daniel had left me to die. Wow, things were not going in my favor.
"So things aren't really going in my favor, huh?"
Stares again. Why were these people so weird?
"I don't know why I haven't asked this question yet, but how did you guys come to hang around these parts?"
"There was an accident," Logan said. At that moment, they all started walking away.
"Wait!" I tried to keep up with their insane pace through the jungle. "Where you guys going?" I ducked to avoid a tree branch. "What's the deal?"
No one answered, no one looked back to see if I was okay, no one even acted like I existed. It was like being at home. It was like hanging out with Brittany Marc.
"Look guys, I'm gonna say this again." I tried hard to talk and watch out for underbrush and snakes and animals, maybe clowns...random dangerous, life threatening shit. "I was in the helicopter that you guys just dismantled. I had to jump from it and my parachute landed in a tree. I'm not here to rescue you, but I'm surprised you're not disappointed by that statement. I'm actually a pretty funny guy, kinda cool to hang out with. I like to get drunk..." Michelle turned around and smirked. The only one who gave me any attention.
"You can follow us."
"Well, thank you for your kindness. I was planning on following anyway, but I'm glad I've been formally invited."
"Only if you shut up," Logan added. That was it. I shut up.
I followed them pretty far into the rainforest, considering I didn't really know how far we actually were and in what direction we were actually going.
Let's talk about Michelle Gia more extensively. It's obvious by how the story's going that she's the first one to warm up to me. I think she thought I was funny, or maybe she just thought I was pathetic. I hope it was the funny thing. I explained about the toughness and the healing scar on her cheek. She wasn't always so brave.
At home Michelle was a Paris Hilton type. She had a rich daddy and she didn't have a care in the world, except for maybe where to shop for new clothes. Here her clothes were dirty and ragged, she also hadn't showered in a long time. At home this would never fly. Now she wears what she wants and she does what she wants. What an intense period of self-realization this has been for Miss Gia.
Even in dirty, filthy clothes Michelle still looked beautiful. I had never seen her back home, but I'd say even more so now. She told me she hated how she was and this gave her a chance to change. I bet you're wondering how all these people ended up together.
Let's talk about Daniel Lay more extensively. We all know that Daniel was hostile at first because he thought I had arrived to rescue him. At home, Daniel is an executive for a major unnamed corporation. In other words, he has a shitload of money. I'm pretty sure he owns a small island off some exotic coast. Does it really matter which one? Would you be more impressed?
Before he was kind of weak and pathetic, as he puts it. Now he's definitely muscular and I wouldn't want to get into any sort of fight with him. He's confident. I mean, come on, he left me for dead within the first ten minutes of meeting him. He told me that I was just a piece of putty that had to be molded into a man. Right now I was only pulling off the comic section. I'm telling you right now. I'm going to become a man before this is over.
Logan Tyler was the sensitive type, but now he hunts without mercy. He provides us dinner and he skins other animals while we're eating. Before he ended up in the rainforest, he was about to get married. His wedding ring is missing and he says he's never felt so free. He's a writer. He tells me that every writer has to go through something like this...it's the only way. It's something traumatic, something that has changed his life. Logan has so many ideas now.
Rich Bitch
"You know what they used to call me?" Michelle asked. It was a night when we were all sitting around the fire. I was afraid to take a guess.
"Rich Bitch," Logan said, letting the cigarette he was smoking drop clumsily from his mouth. Michelle glared at him.
"Thanks for ruining the story, Asshole."
That was when I learned about Michelle's past. She told me she was always so caught up in what everyone thought of her. She wasted most of her life just living off her dad's money. I told her that most people don't have a problem doing that. Most people live their entire lives without a care in the world and they never change. Michelle says she's different now.
"Can I have a cigarette, Roman?" Michelle asked, catching the lighter from Logan after he tossed it unexpectedly. I groaned and dug into my pockets.
"This is all the nicotine I have," I said handing her one that was slightly crushed. "No more."
Daniel tossed me his heavy black backpack. I unzipped it cautiously and saw several packages of cigarettes and sets of matches.
"We're set for now. They'd just rather use yours."
Ever since I had been marooned, I was constantly being duped. Michelle and Logan had to much fun tricking me into doing things I didn't want to do. It was like a game for them and I always heard them snickering behind me. All in good fun, I suppose.
Under Control
Let's go back to right after the accident. I tried my best to keep up with the three of them as the trekked through the rainforest, but I was clumsy and less in shape than I had originally thought. I was about to collapse by the time we actually reached our destination.
Tents. That was officially the first thing I thought. I remembered to take note of that thought, which is why I'm mentioning it now.
I was wondering how they got tents.
"We came with tents," Logan said, as if I should have known all along.
"Oh yeah...cause I fell from the helicopter completely equipped with everything I needed."
"Who said we fell from anything?"
I shot my arms up in frustration.
"That's a good question. No one's really saying anything to me. Why would I expect to get any sort of explanation?" I slapped the side of my head. "Yeah, I know. I'm a dumb ass."
"A few more days here and you're really going to chill out," Daniel commented.
The thought of being here a few more days made me incredibly nervous. It wasn't paradise by any means. There were loud noises coming from every direction, strange smells, and creatures that made my skin crawl. I had always thought of myself as a brave person, but I was totally wrong. You can really learn about yourself in someplace like that.
It wasn't just the atmosphere, it was the people. I was pretty certain that I wasn't going to make any lifetime friends during my stay. No one really talked to me and I didn't understand. I had been in a horrible, possibly horrific, accident. I could have lost my life. I was threatened with a machete and then the three people I was on the helicopter with were dragged off and buried. You'd think I'd be freaking out a little more.
That's when I decided to keep myself under control. I had wanted a little adventure ever since I left home for the first time. This was something that was put in my hands, something that I could make the story of my life. I didn't want to reflect on this and think about how much of a whiney little bitch I was. It was time to go with the flow, no matter how insane everyone made me feel.
Britney Marc used to love me. I felt it when we first met. I didn't think I had a chance at all, but she told her friend she thought I was the most attractive kid in high school. That's the first compliment I remember, the first one that really mattered. She used to pour me endless shots at parties because she said she liked to see me drunk. She told me I was the life of the party. People say a lot of nice things right before they start ignoring you.
I remember locking myself in the bathroom, which I had done a lot last year. I saw her kissing someone else. I know, it's a real girl thing to do, but I just wanted to be by myself. I lifted up the toilet seat and vomited. There was so much pain, so much more than I ever thought I'd have for one person. It made me feel crazy and I hated it. I was pissed about giving someone that power over me. Britney Marc, what a tease.
I hope you all didn't go into reading this thinking that it was a light-hearted adventure romp with me and my best friends in the jungle. It's not. Keep reading and you'll be just as terrified as I was. Horror films used to be my favorite...now I prefer romantic comedies. Tragedy can change your perspective real quick.
"Je m'appelle, Rome." I said, breaking the silence. "il fait chaud."
"What are you saying?" Daniel asked, taking a break from whatever the hell he was doing inside the tent.
"I'm sorry," I said approaching him. "It's the two things I learned in French. I thought maybe I was speaking the wrong language. I don't really know anything else."
They all ignored me again and went about whatever they were doing. I popped my head inside the tent. There were sleeping bags. Three of them...I guess I'd be pretty cold. Logan was ripping a sleeping bag in half and then started tugging apart the lining.
"It won't be as warm, but I'll be okay with just half. You can probably fit inside the lining."
"I wasn't planning on staying long, but if you insist."
Home
I met Leo Blake during orientation at college. He reminded me of my dog. I know it's a weird thing to say, but he had some pretty shaggy hair. That's what I liked in a friend, when they reminded me of something nice. We had a lot in common. We both hated sitting around doing nothing. We both wanted to do something with our lives. I guess that's why we made perfect roommates, travel companions, and best friends. It all happened in a few short years.
He was there when I started going through my first phases of depression. He was there when I was sent to the hospital and then to a therapist. I hated all of it, but he never made me feel like something was wrong with me. I was just going through a rough time...then I pulled through. That doesn't mean I stopped thinking about it. I blamed most of it on Brit. I did that because that was the last time I remembered being happy.
It's sick when one person can do so much to hurt you, but you still love them. It's sick when every time she does something terrible to me, I promise myself I'll never talk to her again. I started writing because I thought writing would bring her back. I thought she'd see that I wrote just for her and only her. I thought maybe she'd my name somewhere in a bookstore and take a look at it. I thought maybe she'd flip through the pages and see her name and realize how much I love her. It's disgusting, I know, but you'd be surprised how many people like me there are out in the real world.
I'm talking about people who still hold onto hope even when it's hopeless. I'm talking about people who've been told a thousand times that it's not going to happen, but they still can't let go. I'm talking about someone who loves another person so much that they'll take any sort of abuse. I'm someone who's been told so many times that I was acting like an idiot and how I need to move on. I've moved on a billion times, I've made myself look like an idiot, but you know what? I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I'd keep those bad memories over any good memories any day.
That wasn't the end of my life though. I'm obviously telling you the story now...there has to be some of me left. I changed a lot in the rainforest, but I also kind of wish I ever crashed landed. I kind of wish that I never decided to get on that helicopter. That was the day that Britney said it was okay to call her. She wanted to catch up. Well, you know what? I can't. I'm in the middle of no where.
Leo. I thought about what he was doing that afternoon. He was probably waking up with a terrible hang over, possibly puking in the bathroom. I envied how carefree he probably was at that moment. Maybe he would look over in the next bed and realize that I wasn't there. Maybe he had laughed to himself, thinking that I had disappeared last night with the girl we met at the bar. He had blacked out at that bar.
During college, Leo was infamous for his black outs. He would stumble into people's rooms, sometimes pee on their floors. The next morning he wouldn't remember anything. One time, the R.A. was called down to a girl's room. The girl came in from a late night and saw that someone was sleeping in her bed. It was Leo Blake. Imagine how terrifying that would potentially be. It seemed almost like destiny that my best friend would be Leo. It would take him a while to realize that I had not left with that girl from the bar. This was fate in the same way Brit had told me to call her on that particular day. Fuck my life.
The Writer
I mentioned Logan Tyler was a writer. He was interested in writing the next great American novel. In order to do this, he felt like he had to travel the world and be knowledgeable about certain life issues. He had to feel pain, loss, and regret. Logan felt none of these emotions. He had never lost anyone important to him and he had no reason to feel pain or regret. Logan was about to be happily married, but his jungle situation changed all that. He was about to feel some real pain, loss and regret. The problem was he enjoyed every minute of it.
Logan had a real bow and arrow. I thought about how weird it was that he was equipped with one. I watched his muscles tense as he pulled the string back with his pointer and middle finger. He concentrated and then released.
"What a shot," I replied, wiping the sweat from my forehead.
What a shot it was. A monkey hit the ground with a loud thud. He smirked and handed me the bow. I watched as he grabbed the monkey by it's neck and yanked the arrow out of its back. Part of me was astonished and part of me was nauseous. I needed to learn how to hunt.
Logan met his fiance at a book signing at a local library in his town. It was his debut novel...nothing really worth mentioning. Just a trite, cliched, worthless novel. He wasn't proud of it at all, but his fiance was. That's why the engagement felt like a lie. That's why the marriage was going to feel fake. She thought he was a genius, Logan knew that he wasn't. Not yet.
I saw Logan break necks without mercy. He snapped the necks of animals after he had just shot arrows through them. He liked to skin them and cook them over the open fire that he started with sticks. I held up my matches pathetically and watched it blow out in the wind.
"Monkey tastes good, I'm assuming," I crouched next to him, while he turned the cooking carcass over with a stick.
"I don't know what your definition of good is," Logan said, smirking. He always smirked.
"I didn't know it had alternative definitions."
"It's good in filling you up and keeping you alive. I like the taste...you probably wont."
I was sick of being treated like a wuss. No one thought I could take anything. I watched as he pulled a small piece of paper and a broken pencil out of his pocket. He pressed the paper against his leg and started scribbling something down.
"What's that?"
"Just found the main character for my novel."
He stood up and started trudging through the jungle toward a river. I glanced at the smoking monkey and hurried to follow him.
"Who? Me?" I was clumsy and awkward trying to keep up with him.
"A weak, young college student is stranded in the jungle with three strangers and is molded into a man."
"And the strangers? What happens to them?"
"Oh, they have their reasons for keeping him there," Logan stated flatly.
"How does it end?" Roman was desperate for an answer.
"He does become a man, but at a price."
"What price?"
"He learns about things he doesn't want to know. Mostly about himself."
The Actress
Miss Gia was the only one that I ever caught giving me side glances. She would look away promptly when I noticed, but she was never embarrassed when she was caught. When she talked, I couldn't tell if she was being serious. She was an aspiring actress back home. This was a good way to prepare for any role.
Now she was playing the girl who might have a crush on the main character, but she wasn't sure yet. She was trying it on for size.
"What are you doing on this beautiful day?" I asked, poking my head out from the tent. It was pouring.
She smiled and adjusted the hood on her jacket.
"What's your reason for keeping me around?"
"Excuse me?" Michelle was now wielding an axe. It was slung over her shoulder casually.
"There's gotta be a reason you want me here." I had to yell because it was raining so hard.
"There's a reason for everything."
She disappeared into the jungle.
Michelle had gotten a script for a movie right before she left. It wasn't a good role, but it was a decent one. It was something that could have furthered her career. That's when it was time to get away.
Maybe 'there's a reason for everything' was a line from her script. It was delivered the way it was supposed to, with a quiet understanding. I zipped up the tent and fell back asleep shivering slightly.
The Mystery Man
Daniel Lay was an intellect and a survivor. I wasn't sure what they were survivors of yet, but I wasn't sure I wanted to find out. When I first met Daniel up in the tree I forgot to mention that I was almost positive he was a ghost. Why would a man cut me down and then leave me in the jungle for dead?
He was my favorite after a while. He listened to what I had to say and he always had some good ideas. Daniel said he liked how curious I was...he wished his employees at home showed that kind of spunk. He said it didn't matter now because he was never going back.
Daniel wasn't down on his situation. He was genuinely happy in a way that was different from Michelle and Logan. Daniel knew he who was--the others didn't. I think this was why he was the best leader for them.
He took me to the river and sat on a rock, staring calmly into the distance. I used my shoe to poke through the surface of the water.
"Careful. There's creatures in there that you don't want to know about."
I pulled my foot away and paced around for a few moments with my hands behind my back.
"What are we doing out here exactly?"
"I just like to think."
"Okay, listen. I've been thinking too." I walked in front of Daniel and waited until he made eye contact. "Why am I still here? Why are you all still here? Why do you want me to stay?"
He laughed.
"You're here because you haven't been rescued. We're here because we don't want to be rescued. Michelle wants you to stay because she's in love. Logan wants you here because he's studying you for his new novel. I want you to stay because if you leave and if you tell people about us, which you will, our plans will be screwed. I guess we're all a little selfish."
I didn't expect everything to be revealed to me all at once. Let me tell you, I was scared shitless. I wasn't getting home any time soon.
Savages
That's when I started running. I was blinded by the green of the jungle and everything was passing by quickly. I eventually stopped, leaning over to vomit. Turning around, I noticed that Daniel wasn't following me. Maybe that's because he knew I would come back. I had nothing else to do.
"Dude!"
A hallucination. A ghost. A mirage.
Leo was standing in front of me, panting and smiling painfully.
"I tried so hard to find you earlier. They tried to track the flight pattern of the helicopter...or some shit." He seemed unsure of what he was saying. "Anyway, I came in with the search party, but we got separated."
I continued to stare at Leo. He was filthy, probably just as much as I was. His shirt was ripped and his pants were folded up to his knees.
"Are you okay?" He must have noticed the astonished look on my face.
"The search party is..."
"Around. They'll find us." He approached me cautiously. "I rescued you."
I grinned in disbelief and wrapped Leo in a tight hug.
"I need to tell the others!"
"The others?" Leo looked scared. "I heard bad things. You can't let them know I'm here. We'll leave when the rescue men get here, but don't let them know I'm here."
"What bad things?"
"They're murderers...they'll do anything to stay here."
"Leo, how would you know this?"
A noise came from the jungle and Leo ran before I could ask him anything else. Logan emerged from the brush. He glanced around with an eyebrow raised.
"I'm not gonna ask why you were talking to yourself. I guess we all get a little crazy out here." Logan's white shirt was stained with blood. He wiped his hands on his pants.
"You didn't kill anyone, did you?"
"Who is there to kill?"
I shrugged and watched him look me over. He motioned for me to follow and I did obediently. I looked over my shoulder and saw Leo wave at me from behind a tree. He disappeared into the green.
I was confused after that as I followed Logan back to the camp. I wanted to know why he was covered in blood, but I knew it wasn't worth asking. Barely any of my questions were never answered. I also wanted to know how Leo got to the jungle and then somehow lost the search party. They had to be around somewhere...I had to make it to them somehow.
We all sat around a fire again. I was on one log. Michelle, Logan and Daniel were glaring at me through the flickering flames. It made them look like they were from Hell. It made them look like savages.
"Where you from, Rome Rome?" Logan asked, pulling out his piece of paper and the pencil from behind his ear.
"Jersey." I clasped my hands together and thought of home.
I said I missed the simple things. The normal, everyday things. I was terrified I would never experience them again, no matter how much I hated them. I wanted my mother to yell at me again...something unrecognizable, in Italian. Maybe this was good. Maybe this was freedom.
I could feel myself changing. I wanted to be on the other log. I wanted to be with the confident, self aware savages. I wanted to be strong like Daniel. I wanted to be smart like Logan. I wanted to be fearless like Michelle. Basically, I just wanted to be the completely opposite of what I was at that moment. I was time to become Roman Rome.
Daniel woke up early the next morning, well...earlier than usual. Rain was coming down lightly, so I wasn't anything significant. We went for a jog. He made me do some pull-ups. Back at camp I did some sit ups. We went for a run. We continued to do this until I was completely exhausted and crawling back into my sleeping bag.
Logan took me out later to go hunting. I had learned how to manipulate the bow and arrow when I was in high school and I had really liked doing it. Logan said it was all about regaining my strength. I just had to let go.
I limped away from camp by myself right before sunset. I wanted to find Leo and talk to him. He emerged looking the same as the day before.
"Why are you working out with them? We need to get home."
I threw my arms up in the air. They burned terribly, causing me to wince.
"I don't see a rescue party. Do you?" I slapped my hand on my forehead and Leo kicked the dirt in front of him.
"I don't know what's happened to them, but you gotta stop getting all buddy buddy with these guys," Leo said, grabbing the sides of my arms tightly. "They're bad news. Savages."
"I know there's something off, but they're helping me. Why not be friends until I'm rescued."
"They're preventing you from being rescued!"
"I'll start understanding you when you start making sense. Are you hungry?"
Leo shook his head. I remember thinking it was weird that he wasn't hungry...he should be. It had to be over a day since he last ate and there was no way he could hunt. Then I began to wonder where he slept. How was Leo surviving without any help.
"Leo?" He was staring at me. "Are you bullshitting me?"
"What?"
I started to laugh, astonished by the thoughts going through my brain.
"Are you fucking with me?" I laughed harder and looked around. "Where's the camera crew? Yeah...good one guys!" The smile faded from my face when no one appeared. "This isn't a joke?"
When I turned around Leo was gone. I wasn't sure what to think. Just before I was positive that Leo had already found the search party and he was just messing around. Where was he getting food? Where was he sleeping? I groaned, looked around one more time, and walked back to the tents. It was getting dark.
Figure it Out
"Figure it out, Roman," Michelle said shoving me. I didn't move as far as I would have a month prior. The muscles in my arm were starting to take shape. I hadn't seen Leo in weeks and I was beginning to fear the worst. I was calmer and I was asking less questions. Everyday I was becoming more confident. Still in the dark, but almost fearless. The only way to get out alive was to become the strongest person I could be.
"Figure what out?"
Her hand rested on my arm and then her hand brushed the hair out of my face.
"You're just always thinking. You're not as funny as you used to be."
"Isn't that what you guys wanted?"
"I didn't want that." She paused and lowered her hand. "You just have to accept yourself."
"Like you are?" She shot me an angry look and started to walk away. I followed after her, this time I didn't have to struggle to keep up. "You're just running away from your life. You don't know what the fuck you want."
"What if this is how I want to live?" She looked confused. "Why are you being so mean to me?"
"Yeah, cause you guys were a ray of sunshine when I first arrived."
I was the one to walk away this time. I don't know why I did. I had no real problem with Michelle. I should have, but I didn't. I just knew that they were in my way.
I wandered into the jungle much farther than I should have. I realized this far too late when the sun was setting and I was having trouble remembering which way I had came from. Oh no. I was going to die.
"Is that Roman Rome?" I swung around and saw nothing, but I recognized the voice. I loved that voice. I spent night after night missing it and yearning to hear it again. "You seem different."
There was no way Brittany Marc was in the jungle.
"Hello?"
She came into sight and my mouth hung open.
"I didn't get your phone call, so I decided to check it out."
"You decided...to check it out."
Brittany looked confused. She seemed to force a smile. I held my breath when she approached and pulled me in for a hug. I couldn't breathe her in. It couldn't be real.
I used to text her at home. I waited hours for a simple response. I'd shut off my phone in frustration and then maybe even try texting her again. I racked my brain for any reason why she'd ignore me. I found it; she just wasn't that into me.
That's why I didn't understand the reason for her appearance now. She couldn't answer a simple text message, but she had time to fly down here and join the search party. Unbelievable...but that was Brittany Marc. She always had to make everything dramatic.
I allowed myself to breathe. It did smell like her. It couldn't be an illusion.
"How are you here? How are you real?"
Brit glanced up at me and put her hands on the sides of my face.
"You must have some psychological issues." She kissed me. It felt real enough. "We lost Leo."
She was clutching something in her hand. It looked like a radio transmitter. Brit waved it in front of my face.
"All I have to do is call in and they'll find us."
Whack.
I watched as Brit's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she slumped to the ground. There was blood pouring out onto the undergrowth. Michelle came into focus. She was breathing hard and an axe was slung over her shoulder. Blood was streaked across her beautiful face.
I opened my mouth to speak. Speak, Roman Rome. Speak.
All I could do is watch her stare at me. She swung the ax down continuously, hacking Brittany Marc to pieces. She stomped on the radio receiver. I watched the wires poke out and twist under crushed plastic. Michelle finally stopped and glanced up at me, panting. She wiped the blood from her face with the back of her arm and leaned on the ax.
My voice was gone.
Madeline Franklin
There was an urban legend in my town about a girl named Madeline Franklin. She was known as Maddy...the truth surrounding her demise is still a mystery.
Maddy was in a terrible car accident at the age of seventeen, but she wasn't injured. Her parents were with her in the car and they were in critical condition for a long time. They eventually recovered, but sent Maddy to live with her grandma while they remained in the hospital. Grandma lived in a beautiful house next to a lake in a gated community. Grandma was rich. Maddy hadn't been there since she was eight. Maddy lost her voice.
When some people are in stressful situations, their bodies can react in strange and interesting ways. Maddy lost her voice. She eventually gets it back, but she goes without speaking for months.
There's a boy that she meets from her childhood...he claims he wrote to her, but she never answered. Maddy has no idea why she wouldn't have kept in contact. His name is Matthew Violet and he has an older bother Simon Violet. Simon is in a wheelchair. Matthew is her age. She spends a lot of time with Matthew and they eventually fall for each other. He tries to help her get her voice back. She talks to him through a small notepad which she keeps in her pocket.
Maddy thinks she's going crazy. She starts seeing babies...dead babies. Disturbing, I know. I guess that's why she thought she was going insane. Matthew stops seeing her. Don't speak, Madeline Franklin. Don't speak. It's written on her bathroom mirror in her grandmother's red lipstick.
Maddy wants to go home. She doesn't enjoy her time anymore. Grandma tells her that she just needs to stay positive and her voice will come back.
"It's happened before," Grandma says, casually.
It's happened before? Maddy doesn't remember it ever happening. It couldn't have. She returns to her room, racking her brain for any memory that would lead her in the right direction.
There's a box waiting for her on her bed. It's all the letters Matthew Violet sent to her. She read them--all of them, over and over again. Eight year old Matthew says it's okay. He tells her he forgives her. He tells her he loves her. Don't speak, Madeline. Don't speak. He begs her not to speak.
There's a red bike in the corner of the room. Maddy puts her hands on it, running her fingers along the rusty handles. A memory comes flooding back.
Eight year old Matthew was sitting in the family car. It was moving pretty fast through the roads that led to his house. Next to him was his older brother, Simon, and his baby sister, Riley, strapped tightly in her car seat. A girl in a red bike flashed by causing the car to swerve into a telephone pole.
Matthew Violet's story is sadder. He lost his mom, his dad, and his baby sister. Simon was crippled and was confined to a wheelchair. This all happened in one day. The little girl on the red bike was his best friend, Maddy. Don't speak, Madeline. Maddy didn't speak for a while as she watched the bodies being extracted from the vehicle. Matthew wouldn't speak to her either. She went home and didn't ever think of it again.
Simon has a secret. He held a grudge for years. He was eleven and decided that he would get revenge eventually. Maddy was in the house alone when Simon knocked on the door. He had walked up to the house by himself. Simon wasn't crippled.
Simon had tampered with the Franklin's car. He had hoped they all would die...or maybe just Maddy's parents. He hoped she would feel the pain that he had felt. No one would think it was him because everyone thought Simon couldn't walk.
Matthew ran up to Maddy's house when he saw Simon's empty wheelchair. He knew it was too late. Maddy was lying dead on the floor and Simon was sitting on the couch with a hammer placed next to him. Matthew loved Madeline Franklin. He never blamed her. Now she was dead...just like everyone else he had ever loved. That's the story of Madeline Franklin.
I'll Ruin You
I couldn't speak. I opened my mouth, but nothing would come out. This wasn't the first time. In fact, it had happened four other times.
"Well?" Michelle watched me as I stared in to the fire. Logan and Daniel were already asleep.
I shrugged.
"Write it down."
I love you.
Michelle rolled her eyes and shoved my notepad back at me.
I know what you're thinking. 'He can't really love her'. Well, I did. Watching Brit get murdered was kind of a release for me. There was no more worrying. There was no more torture. It would help me disconnect completely from my previous life. I just had four more memories weighing down my mind. If only I could tell them to Michelle. It was the same way Matthew Violet wanted to tell Maddy he loved her.
"Can I see you tonight?"
That was all Brittany would have to say to me at home and I'd be filled with hope once again. All she had to do was pretend like she wanted to give me a chance and I was hooked once more. I always regretted it. Now it was all over.
I really do love you.
Michelle wouldn't even look at the notepad. She waved her hand dismissively and stood up quickly. I watched as she flipped her hair over her shoulder.
"It's time for sleep. You should sleep too...you're getting delirious."
I've been delirious. I've been delirious my entire life.
I fell asleep pretty easy that night, with a few memories on my mind. It was time to bring them to the surface. It was time to figure myself out.
I woke up extremely early the next morning with the dew forming on my sleeping bag. I removed a pair of filthy socks and walked through the wet earth with bare feet. It was oddly refreshing. I found a clearing...the sun was just starting to rise and I could see streams of light peeking through the canopy. When I found a nice, clear spot I sat down and crossed my legs. This was going to be a long day.
Let Yourself Go
It's not easy digging inside of yourself and pulling out your most painful memories. I had a top five list buried deep within my subconscious. I brought them out when I really wanted to do damage to myself.
When I was in 5th grade, I wasn't like I am now. I still was a pretty happy and optimistic person. I still had dreams. It seems that the past few weeks had torn mine away. I was stuck in the middle of the jungle. The love of my life had been murdered in front of me by the new love of my life. My best friend was missing somewhere, but I assumed he was dead also. I might never be able to talk to my parents again.
My 5th grade self lead me to understand that I could feel extreme pain and this pain could be a direct result of my own thought process. We had hall monitors and I wasn't one of them. I had always wanted to be, but none of the teachers thought I could actually do it. I was the one who was always breaking the rules...why would they give me such a task?
"Go to Hell," I told Pete. It was Pete's turn to be on hall monitor duty after recess. Pete told my teacher that I had been running down the hallway and pushing students aside. I told Pete to go to Hell. He told that teacher that, too.
I had gotten in a lot of trouble. I remember how mad my parents were at me. I remember how I had to sit inside for recess during that week. I remember how Pete used to look at me during class and smile in satisfaction. I was so angry and I didn't know what to do.
Late one night, I was sitting up in bed and staring at the glow in the dark stars that stuck to my ceiling. I thought about how I wanted Pete to die. It wasn't serious...I never wanted anyone to die, but the thought rammed itself into my brain. I would feel ashamed that I could think those things and I'd try to get rid of the thought as fast as I could. After a while, I forgot about it entirely.
Weeks went by and Pete still took every chance he got to get me in trouble. I swear I wasn't a bad kid, but I soon got that reputation. Teachers were calling me out left and right. Pete took deep satisfaction in all that. I tried not to think about because I had a lot of friends and I was already developing and aversion to authority.
Pete didn't come to school for a few days. No one really knew anything...not even his close friends. I didn't think anything of it. I started to think about it when he hadn't been in school for a month and his position of hall monitor was given away (still not to me). I didn't know anything until an announcement came over the loudspeaker one morning.
"Unfortunately this morning I have some horrible news to announce. A 5th grader, Peter Smith, has recently passed away from after a long fight with pneumonia. He had been in the hospital for the past month. We are extremely saddened by this news and we hope that if any of you need to talk you will visit one of the counselors. Please do not be afraid to talk during this depressing time. If we can please have a moment of silence..."
I remember sitting there with my hand wrapped tightly around my pencil, almost crushing it. I felt an extreme guilt that I had never experienced before. I had killed Pete Smith. I had sat up late that one night wishing death upon him. I had never really gotten over that guilt. Obviously, it was still sitting with me in the jungle. Right there, I had another moment of silence for Peter Smith. It wasn't exactly just for him. It was the last time I would ever think of him again. Don't think, Roman Rome.
Wake Up Dead
By the time 7th grade rolled around, I was a fairly normal child. I was adjusting to middle school and I was still pretty happy. I no longer had dreams of being a hall monitor, but I was doing well on the baseball team. I had learned my lesson and I wasn't mean to anyone.
I lived across the street from a cemetery and I loved this. It didn't scare me like it would most people. I liked to look out my window out night excited to maybe, just maybe, see a ghost. I'd stay up late with my binoculars until my mom would come in and make me shut the windows and close the blinds.
On one particular morning, I decided to play across the street inside the cemetery gates. My best friend, Josh, joined me with his glove and baseball. We played catch for a while and then agreed to play hide and seek. I liked this idea better because it would give me more time to explore the gravestones. My mom never wanted me to look at any of the gravestones. She told me it would only give me nightmares, but I enjoyed looking at the inscriptions and coming up with stories on how they died.
I found a new spot on the far side of the cemetery. I couldn't see my house from where I was hiding and I was pretty sure Josh wouldn't be able to find me. I knelt down and felt my knee hit something hard in the ground. I pushed away the leaves and saw a marble plague planted into the hard ground. It said Sydney Roman and there was only a date of birth that matched mine.
Josh found me sitting with my knees pressed tightly against my body, just staring at the ground. My mother had always kept me close. She always told me that I was all she had and she could never bear losing me. I knew at that moment she had already lost. I was surprised at how calm I was. I didn't blame my mom for not telling me and I never, ever brought it up.
I had another moment of silence. I pushed the memory deep down in the dirt and never thought of it again. I would never tell another soul. Don't speak, Roman Rome. Don't speak.
Dumped
Everyone I knew had been dumped at least one time. Most of them got over pretty quickly and didn't take the time to look back on it. I had been dumped a couple times and I reacted mainly the same way they had. I was upset for a little bit, but I eventually moved on.
The first time I was broken up with was not the same, however. It was freshman year in high school and I really thought I was in love. I know it sounds ridiculous now, but most of you know the feeling. Your stomach has butterflies, your throat is dry, and you can't say anything intelligent when they're around you. Basically, the worst feeling ever.
Her name was Lindsay Brock and she was the most popular freshman girl in high school. That alone made me feel inadequate from the start. At the beginning, I thought the whole thing was a joke, but she invited me to come to the mall with her one Saturday.
I met her there and I saw she wasn't alone. She introduced me to her friend, Paul. He was a Junior at the high school and the catcher for the baseball team. I was on the team, but I wasn't a starter. Paul was currently filling the catcher spot I had hoped for. It could be because he was the son of the coach. I kept my mouth shut and shook his hand.
I wondered why Paul was tagging along on our date, but Lindsay assured me that he was a friend of her older brother and she wasn't allowed on alone with me without supervision. I was happy when she reached over to hold my hand.
We sent most of the day just walking around the mall and talking, but I was annoyed that Paul was always close behind. He left for a little while to go meet up with some of his friends. I took a chance and asked her out. She seemed happy and leaned over to give me a kiss.
I felt my head hit the hard floor and I tasted blood in my mouth. Paul and his friends dragged me into the bathroom and locked the door behind them. He shoved me against the wall and forced me to sit down.
"Roman Rome. You think you can kiss my girlfriend?"
"What?" I murmured, trying to stop my head from spinning. I spit blood on the white bathroom tile.
"You're never going to get a starting position. You're never going to go out with Lindsay Brock."
I rolled my eyes.
"I realize that now, dipshit." His friend walked over and kicked me in the stomach. I groaned and fell over onto my side. When I opened my eyes I found myself alone. The door creaked open and Lindsay stepped inside.
I saw that all her kindness was gone. She tiptoed carefully over my blood and looked at me in disgust.
"You can tell everyone that we dated, but remember that I broke up with you. Oh, and don't tell anyone we kissed."
I had a hard time getting over that relationship. I quit the baseball team that day. Lindsay never talked to me again, but what's funny is she ended up being in an abusive relationship with Paul. I'm pretty sure he's in jail now. My wounds healed, but his life is fucked.
I felt the dirt between my fingertips and smiled. Paul and Lindsay. They could both be a distant memory from that point on. Don't think, Roman Rome. Don't think.
Unnecessary Roughness
A couple years ago, I was getting ready to graduate from college. I had picked up Brittany from her house and we were going over to one of our friend's parties. We had been in a stupid fight earlier that day so I wasn't concentrating on driving as much as I should have been.
We started arguing again. This time is was about how she ignores me when she's with her friends, which was true. She hated when I criticized anything about her because she thought I was being dramatic. This was the start of our abuse toward each other.
She demanded that I drop her off back home, so I did because I was pretty pissed myself. I told her I was going to have a wonderful time at the party and I would do whatever I wanted to do despite what made her happy. She left crying and I pulled away in anger.
I remember driving down the dark street, almost blinded by my own rage. I thought about pulling over to collect my thoughts, but I just wanted to get to the party. I wanted to drink the night away and not worry about what Brittany had to say anymore. I wanted to pass out on someone's couch and wake up in the morning without any worries.
I saw the headlights. I saw that the other person's car was on the wrong side of the road. I gripped the steering wheel tight and swerved to the right. It was too late. The truck swerved and crashed into the rear of my car. I heard the crunching and twisting metal right before my eyes closed.
When I woke up, my body was sprawled across the cold pavement. I was under a streetlight and some people were staring down at me. I heard talk about the accident.
"Crushed. It's crushed. The boy is dead."
I reached my arm up and waved it.
"I'm not dead! I'm not dead!"
They looked at me in shock and an older woman kneeled down to put a hand on my shoulder.
"No, no. The other boy is dead." She waited for my reaction. "It's not your fault. He drove into your car." She said it like I should be relieved. If I hadn't dropped off Brittany back at her house, the boy would still be alive. His name was Anthony. He was a classmate of mine. He was dead.
I saw his body being extracted from the vehicle. I didn't want to go to the hospital. I went in the ambulance when I saw Anthony's lifeless body lying across the street. They put him into a body bag and zipped it up. I called Brittany and apologized.
As I sat in the jungle and watched the sun overhead, I buried the 4th memory. I would never speak of Anthony again. I would never think of the car accident or the argument with Brittany Marc. Move on, Roman Rome. Move on.
Find the Right Words
After every one of those memories, I didn't speak for at least a week. I never knew why and most people just thought I had chosen to become mute. I literally could not speak a word. It was almost as if I was looking for the right words and I couldn't speak until I found them.
The doctor told my mom it was Psychogenic aphonia. I could cough and if I tried very hard sometimes I could even whisper, but I would not speak. It was psychological. Maybe Madeline Franklin had the very same thing. I knew I was crazy, but I never was really sure how crazy.
My worst memory was seeing Michelle chop up Brittany Marc. I was so close to finally having her...Brittany had come to find me. She had made the first move for once. Michelle took everything from me, but she also gave me my life back. I wanted to be with her. I'm telling you, it wasn't just a rebound.
Logan Tyler told me that he lead a basic and normal childhood. He had plenty of pets, an avid animal lover is what he would call himself. Logan had dreams of becoming a veterinarian. At this point in his life, he's twenty-eight, and murdering animals in the jungle. Logan Tyler isn't the same person he was before he came to this remote area of the world. He has grown and become what he calls "a better person".
I found it strange that I was actually enjoying his company. I was keeping up with him. I was just as fit as he was. I was being as closed off as he was. That might have been because I couldn't talk, but I wasn't even writing anything funny. I was as serious as a heart attack. Logan and I were starting to create our own sign language, only because we didn't really know the real sign language. We had a good thing going.
I put a hand up and touched the top of my head twice.
"Thinking about what?" Logan glanced over once and focused back on chopping wood. I waited until he swung the ax over his shoulder and brought it back down. I found the chop sound calming.
I put my hand up to my heart.
"Stop thinking about Michelle."
I smiled and felt the area around my face. I had a nice beard going. I was proud of that beard...I had always wanted one.
I had been thinking about Michelle everyday. I liked watching her move around the camp and then my heart would ache when she disappeared into the jungle everyday. She was worried that someone was trying to find us since Leo was still somewhere. I never told her Leo was around, but she knew that Brit had at least tried to find me. She never asked me about Brit though, so I never said anything about that either.
I liked how small she was, but how she commanded so much attention. I liked how she could easily play the part of a young high school student, but I was pretty sure she could kick my ass. I also liked the way she looked at me sometimes. It was almost as if she admired me...she would never tell me that. It was her job to act as uninterested as possible.
I smoked one of the last cigarettes I had and watched her start a fire. She glanced up at me, with one eye raised.
"Don't look at me like that?" I shrugged questioningly and took another drag. "You're looking at me like you own me."
I grinned and brought my hand up to my heart, as I did with Logan.
"You've gotta prove it to me. Find the right words."
What's better than telling someone you love them? Michelle was just too difficult for me to understand. That didn't mean I would stop trying.
I like to think of myself as resilient. I can be rejected about a thousand times and I'll still find hope in a hopeless situation. I'm either resilient or an idiot. Ignorance never really bothered me. I figure that would be a quality I'd like in another person.
I spent most of my life trying to be what other people thought I should be. I went to college because that's what I was supposed to do. I majored in business because that's what people in college generally major in. I tried to like all the interesting music. I spent time trying to think of interesting things to say. I always tried to act smarter than I actually was. I always fell for people who intimidated me. It was like my whole life was an act. This wasn't the case in the jungle. I could be whoever I wanted to be here. No one was going to take that away from me.
I had seen Brittany Marc die. Michelle hadn't killed her. I woke up from a nightmare...I was still swinging uneasily over the jungle floor. It was dark and raining. I reached up to remove my helmet and I watched it fall to the ground with a sickening crack. Brittany Marc drowned in the ocean...I watched when they pulled her body out of the water and tried to revive her. What a beautiful life I had back then. What a great person I was. The search party will find me eventually. I'll speak again someday. Speak, Roman Rome. It's okay to speak again.
Jennifer says: I'm not going to pull any punches: do NOT use the ending "and then I woke up and found it was all a dream" unless you want to completely piss off your reader. We've spent 30 pages following the narrator's story, only to find out that it is all a lie. Now we don't care about any of it. In fact, we feel gypped. In fact, we're going to forget all about this story and go watch Lost.
Plot - 15 (would have been 22 if there had actually been a bunch of weirdos hanging out in the jungle)
Characters - 15 (would have been 24 if the narrator had actually changed so much he got off on seeing his ex hacked to bits by his new jungle girl)
Mechanics - 18 (too many tense changes in either case)
Enjoyment - 15 (would have been 23 if Lou had secretly set the whole thing up in order to get a chance with Brittany and then Brittany had come after the narrator, and then Lou had followed Brittany, and then Michelle had hacked up Brittany, and then Lou had eaten all of them after confessing everything to the narrator.)
TOTAL - 63
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