MMORPG
By L. K. Clark
June 14
Hi Dad,
It's me, Kate. I'll bet it's a real shocker for you to get this letter from me. You haven't heard from me in...what? Five years? Yeah. Since Mom died. She would have wanted me to tell you my news. And Brian thinks I should write you, too. He's my husband. That's it-my news, I mean. We just got married last weekend. It was a civil ceremony, which is all I could really ask for, considering.
So, how are you? Or is that a stupid question? I don't know.
Write me sometime if you want. Brian convinced me that, if you ever write to me again, I should read your letters, not throw them out like I have been doing.
I guess that's all for now.
Kate
July 8
Hi Dad,
I got your letter and your wedding gift. Where did you come up with $100? Maybe I shouldn't ask, knowing you. Anyway, thanks. That was real nice.
You asked a lot of questions. I'll try to answer some of them. What have I been doing since Mom died? First, there were a ton of bills to pay. I worked two jobs, cleaning houses during the day and waitressing nights. The waitress gig paid pretty well in tips, and I was able to pay off all Mom's bills plus her funeral expenses in a year. After that, I started working at a new housing development, meeting interested buyers and showing them model houses. That's where I met Brian. He works construction for the builder.
The way he proposed to me. He sent me up to the balcony of one of the houses he was working on and asked me to check something for him. When I looked down, there he was on one knee, holding a huge bouquet of flowers. Right then, he asked me if I'd marry him. Actually, he said, "Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Funny, but real sweet at the same time. Of course I said yes.
I realize it might not seem like I've done much in five years' time. But I have a good husband who never drinks. We live in a clean apartment-nothing like the dump Mom and I had to live in after you left us. And there are NO cockroaches at our place. And recently, I was offered more responsibility along with a raise at work. Not bad for someone who barely made it through high school. If you could see me dressed up for work in my business suit and pumps, I bet you wouldn't even recognize me. I'm a real lady now, not just a stuffed-bra teen.
About the last thing you said in your letter. Dad, I'm trying to forgive you. It's not easy, you know. You saying you're sorry doesn't take all the pain you caused me and Mom away. Brian says I need to forgive you, that you're the only family I have left. It's just...when I think of what you did to me and Mom, this angry surge floods my head and I can barely even see. You were so bad, Dad. So bad.
Kate
August 10
Dad,
You know what? I don't care if you were in Vietnam. Other guys were, too, and didn't do what you did. And don't tell me to read Tim O'Brian. I've read all of his books. I know what it was like in Vietnam. Not everyone who went there became an alcoholic. And how many of the guys you were over there with were sent to prison for armed robbery and attempted murder? Huh?
You know what? You make me sick.
Kate
September 1
Dad,
Brian's making me write this. No. That's not exactly right. No one can really make me do anything. It's... Let's just say that he wasn't happy when I told him what I wrote you last. "Kate," he said, "you shouldn't be so mean." He wouldn't even listen when I tried to explain. "He's still your father. And besides, everyone makes mistakes." Then, real quietly, he said, "Haven't you ever done anything wrong?"
I didn't tell him about the girl gang I was in during junior-high and high school. About all the things we did. I'm sure you remember.
I'll try to be more civil in this letter.
Here goes:
So what's life like in Attica, anyway? What do they feed you? Is it like in the movies, where guys are always gang-raping other guys? I hope not. I really hope nothing like that ever happens-ever happened-to you. Even thinking about stuff like that is kind of sick.
Dad, I know Vietnam was nasty and awful and terrible and terrifying. I do know. Maybe if I came back from that war and was just dumped back into a society where no one respected me and some people downright hated me, I might start drinking, too.
I'm sorry I was kind of hateful in my last letter. I'm sure life is hard for you now, whether you deserve it or not.
Yours truly,
Kate
September 21
Dear Dad,
You say that you're lonely and don't have many friends there. I can't say I know how it is in prison, but I think I'd shrivel up all dry and crinkled and then blow away if I didn't have Brian. I can't even really remember how it was without him. He's more than just my husband; he's also my friend. You and Mom never had that, did you? I'm sorry to have to mention it, but it seems to me you can't really be good buddies with someone you regularly beat until there's barely a breath left in them. I know you were drunk. You were drunk almost all the time those last years. AARGH! You made-you make-me so mad. Why'd you have to do that, Dad? Why? Couldn't you just control yourself, at least for my sake? Or for Mom's sake? Or even for your own sake? You were so stupid and cruel to wreck all of our lives. I still hate you for that.
Kate
October 15
Dad,
You're sorry, you're sorry. Thanks for saying that, I guess, but it really doesn't fix anything. Stop talking about it. I'll try to stop, too. I'll even try to accept your apology (for Brian's sake). But I still don't think I'll ever understand. You realize that I'd have nothing to do with you if it weren't for Brian, don't you? Try to get that into your head.
Different subject.
I have some bad news. Brian fell during a roofing job (wet leaves). He landed on a shovel, which slit open his leg real serious. The doc said there was a torn muscle, a broken bone, and some other damage. Brian's going to have to be laid up for a long time. I mean weeks, maybe months, and they don't know if he'll get full mobility back. He's real depressed already. I was trying to think of something that might cheer him up a little, and I got a real brainstorm! I bought him a subscription to this cool new MMORPG (that's Massive Multi-player Online Role-playing Game) called Many Worlds. He's been sitting in front of the computer for hours checking it out. I think he's going to like it.
Before all this happened, we even talked about visiting you at Attica. Brian thought it would be good for us to see each other face to face. I thought you might like to see what a great guy I ended up with. Anyway, there's no way we can do it now. Unless I bring Brian in an ambulance. Haha.
All for now.
From,
Kate
November 3
Dear Dad,
Thanks for your concern for Brian. You're right-his injury is leaving him a little stir crazy. It didn't really cross my mind that being stuck at home has become a kind of prison for him. I guess you know what you're talking about, though.
About the only thing that diverts his attention from the fact that he can't leave the apartment is that game I bought him. (Remember? It's that MMORPG, Many Worlds-MW, Brian calls it.) In fact, last night he wolfed down his dinner then hobbled over to the computer in the living room before I even finished eating. I'm a little hurt by all the attention he gives the game. He's like, "Sorry, Kate, but I gotta get back to the game. There are all these tasks I have to do to rack up points. Hundreds of other people around the world are logged on all the time, so the game keeps on moving even when you're not at the screen."
"It's just a game, Brian, a waste of time" I told him. "It doesn't matter, you know. It's not like you're really accomplishing anything or involved in real relationships with other people. I'd think you'd be happy to have a real flesh-and-blood person to talk with."
Then he got mad at me and ignored me for the rest of the night. I don't even know what time he came to bed. Used to be that we always went to bed together. Recently, though, I've been hearing, "I just gotta finish this last task, then I'll be right in." I don't know how long these "tasks" take, but it seems they last a l-o-n-g time.
How's that new guy doing you mentioned in your last letter? I bet he's not crying about being in prison any more after that gang beat him to a pulp.
Well, take care, Dad, and have a good week (or, as good as it can get in prison, anyway).
Yours truly,
Kate
December 12
Dear Dad,
Merry Christmas! I'm sure it's not the same in prison, still, I hope the holidays give you some small reason to smile.
Hey, I liked your story about the guy who's always cracking everyone up. It must be nice to have someone like him around, especially when life seems so dismal. Do you really think he killed that kid? I don't want to believe that someone who can make people laugh like he can could do such a horrible thing. But then, if he's not guilty, but sentenced to life, I hate to think that our justice system could go so far wrong in convicting an innocent man. What do you think?
No, Brian hasn't lost interest in MW yet. If anything, I think he's actually playing longer. From the looks of the apartment when I get home from work, he plays all day long, only breaking to use the bathroom and get some food (and sometimes I can tell he doesn't even remember to eat). I think he's gone almost a week without a shower. The place stinks. I notice it every time I open the door.
I got real mad at him the other night when he demanded I bring his dinner to the computer. "No. You come here and eat with me. I'm not your servant. I'm your wife."
Then he started in with, "Come on, Kate. Don't be so cruel. My leg is really hurting today. I can hardly stand to move it at all."
I called his bluff, though. Maybe it did hurt, but I bet he would feel a whole lot better if he'd get some exercise and not just sit in front of that stupid computer for hours on end.
You know, I think I believe you when you say you've changed. I don't quite know what to think about the Jesus stuff you mentioned. I mean, how can just believing in Jesus or God or whatever it is exactly that you believe in make you change? I'm not dissing it. I just don't understand. And how do you deal with the fact that you committed armed robbery at that liquor store just to have more booze? What does God say about that?
I think it might be nice to see you again, too. Wow. I know that sounds strange after the way I ripped into you a while back. Huh. I would never have believed that I would be getting more support and encouragement from you than from Brian. Bizarro.
Write back soon.
Katie
January 14
Dear Dad,
I didn't really sign my last letter "Katie," did I? I wonder what got into me. Of course I remember you used to call me that when I was little. Weird.
No, I haven't seen any improvement in Brian. If anything, his interest in MW has grown. According to a quick and dirty estimation, I figure that Brian's spending a good hundred hours a week on that wretched game. You think there might be something wrong with me? I mean, why would someone like Brian prefer the company of a computer over his wife?
You know what? I even decided to try playing the game with him a couple times just to be in his life again. I mean, the only time I ever see him smile or hear him laugh anymore is when he's playing the game. Maybe it is me. Maybe I don't seem interesting enough to him anymore.
About the other thing-what God thinks of the way you treated Mom and me and the armed robbery and all. I gotta say that I never expected you to admit that everything you did back then was wrong. I remember the way you always used to make excuses for yourself and tell Mom you'd change and then you'd go off on a bender and slap Mom around again. The more you said you'd change, the more you did the same things. It's interesting to think that God can forgive any and all of our sins. Do you think that would include a mass murderer? And, no offense, Dad, but what if you got out of jail and started drinking again? What would God say about that?
If you've got any ideas about Brian, let me know. I'm open to suggestions.
Take care,
Kate
1/31
Dear Dad,
Wow. No, I hadn't thought of Brian's obsession with MW as a kind of addiction. When you said it was like your insatiable urge for alcohol, everything started to make sense. You know what he's been doing lately? He's been taking caffeine pills to help him stay awake at the game. He said coffee didn't work; he had to leave the computer to use the bathroom too often.
Still and all, I don't think the fact that he's an addict excuses what he did.
He's done a lot worse than just frittering away the hours and days of his life for a stupid game. A lot worse. A couple days ago, I walked up behind him to see what was happening in the game. A screen I hadn't seen before showed up, so I read it. Guess what? Brian has an online wife! I confronted him, but all he did was make excuses. "Don't worry, Kate. Lots of players get married online. It doesn't mean anything. It just gives you someone to share your life with when you're playing."
That made me so mad! "Someone to share your life with?!" I said. "Isn't that why we got married? Aren't I good enough for you anymore?" He just dismissively waved his hand at me and turned back to the game! Can you believe that? It hurt me even more, a few nights later, when he thought I was asleep. He had a headset on and was talking to his MW wife in real time. They had just finished having Skype sex (oh-Skype is a way of using your computer instead of a phone to talk to someone) and pictures of both of them-naked-were on the screen.
It made me sick. I didn't say anything to him. I was so hurt that I just went back to bed and cried myself to sleep.
What am I supposed to do, Dad? You were an addict; do you think Mom could have done anything to help you beat alcoholism?
I'm so depressed I think I could die.
Kate
2/14
Dear Dad,
Thanks for your letter.
I can't tell you the pain I've been in during the past couple of weeks.
After I found out about Brian's online sex and all that, I just kind of shut down. I started leaving for work before he even had a chance to talk to me and crept back into the house while he was playing MW (or going at it with his "wife"; I didn't want to know). Then, several days later, when I was sneaking into the house, he was sitting there on a kitchen chair just inside the front door. The sight of his face, grim and kind of pasty gray, startled me so much I almost screamed. We hadn't looked at each other eye-to-eye for so long I didn't realize what a wreck he'd become. He used to be so handsome and so quick to smile and say something nice to me. I loved him so much...
"What's going on, Kate?" he asked. I could have started crying then. Instead, I started yelling. I don't really remember what I said, except that I made sure he knew that I knew about his Skype sex with his other wife and how gross he had become and what a worthless excuse for a husband he was. Then I surprised myself by telling him I'd leave if he didn't get rid of that cursed game.
Just like you warned me, he started making excuses and tried to cut a deal. Like, he'd only play the game when I was at work. When I didn't go for that, he said he'd cut way back, and that he'd even divorce his MW wife.
"No," I told him. "It's me or Many Worlds. You decide."
He kind of whimpered (and was that ever a disgusting sight from a man I had admired for his strength), but never did decide to get rid of the game.
I packed my stuff that night, Dad-my clothes and the things I'd need right away. I know I'll have to go back for the rest of my stuff, but for now I'm staying with a girl from work.
I don't know how Brian's going to manage. He's either going to have to return to work or lose his job. It's been four months since his accident. I'm not going to support him.
Regarding the God stuff you wrote about: I'm going to take your advice and talk to that lady you got me the name of. To tell you the truth, I expected you to suggest that I find some church somewhere to go to. I know I wouldn't have done that. The two or three times I've tried going to church just made me feel dirty and slimy. I know I'm not perfect, but I don't think church people are, either.
Maybe it sounds strange, but when you talk about how you're getting to know God and how He's changing you, it makes me feel like there's hope for me, too. Like I said, I've never done anything super bad, but I'm not into denial. I have stuff that needs forgiveness, too.
Maybe someday Brian will understand things like you do.
I hope to make that trip up to see you sometime. I think I have some vacation days coming up.
Love,
Katie
THE END
Jennifer says:
What a terrific story! Well plotted, great twist. The only tiny quibble I have with it is I don't understand why Brian was sitting inside the door when she came home. I'm assuming he'd noticed her sneaking back, but this isn't clear. Otherwise, I wouldn't change a thing.
Plot - 23
Characters - 23
Mechanics - 25
Enjoyment - 22
TOTAL - 93
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